Someone’s having a #giveaway!

Who doesn’t love winning stuff?!  

My very, very bestest best friend, Rachel, is hosting a giveaway! She’s in the running to become a Mamavation Mom! All she’s asking for is your vote  for Rachel and Adam to win!

Easy peasy!

Rachel is giving away a $25 Amazon giftcard and an EA Active Sports 2 for Wii!

Entering is easy! As taken from Rachel’s blog. 

• One entry for every vote ~ You can only vote once from a computer, phone, etc. but you can vote as many times as you want from different devices, wifi networks, etc. Let me know you voted & how you voted (what device). Each vote will be counted as an entry.
• One entry for every tweet you send out supporting Adam (@ahabs55) & I (@rachhabs) tweet out the following message: ”Please vote & help @rachhabs & @ahabs55 to become the next #mamavation couple!http://bit.ly/qQB6rl” (25 tweets maximum a day)
• One entry for every tweet of the following message: “I entered a giveaway from @rachhabs & @ahabs55 for an @easportsactive & #AmazonGiftCard! Find out the details here http://bit.ly/olK21k” (maximum of 25 tweets daily)
• Share this link (from Rachel\’s blog) on facebook & get additional entries!

Go forth, vote and win!

***Disclosure, I *was not* asked to write this post. Nor am I receiving anything for writing it. This post was written in support of my bestie and her husband and in support of Rachel and Adam making changes to their lives to get healthy, teach and show their three kids a healthier lifestyle.***

Five Finger Fridays

It’s Friday again! Seriously, it seems like the older I get, the faster time goes. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet…

This week has been a complete roller coaster of emotions.

B and I had our second anniversary. Woohoo!

Yet another person I know announced they’re pregnant. I’m excited for the parents to be, but every time I hear someone else I know is pregnant when it’s not an option for me just plain sucks. It hurts and I’m more than a little jealous. I’m hoping over time the news won’t hurt as much but right now it just sucks.

B and I have some pretty HUGE  decisions to make about jobs and school and money and I’m kind of freaking out a little. How B stays so. flipping. calm. when I have trouble sleeping at night because I’m so worried and stressed I’ll never know. Oh, to be male and be able to get over things…

Even with all the crazy stuff going on in our lives right now, there’s still a lot to be thankful for!

 

I’ve gone for runs twice this week and even set my personal best!  The Run Hades virtual half marathon starts today and I’m super excited! Never did I ever think I would be this excited about working out. Nevah did I evah!

I got to spend some quality time with my Dad on Wednesday. It’d been a few weeks since we’ve had coffee together and I was really glad to see him. Being a married , mortgage holding ‘adult’ has some serious benefits, but frank discussions with a parent fall in that gray area of I feel bad ass in the things I’m saying and Oh, snap… did I really just say/talk about that with MY FATHER?!?!?!

I also spent quality time with my Mom, Melissa, Abbey and Hannah last night. I think the massive amounts of laughing we all did counts as a workout. My abs are sore! We’re all attending a wedding shower this weekend with a lot of aunts and cousins and that’s going to be another laugh-fest. I can’t wait!

I am a huge fan of Harry Potter. I didn’t go to the midnight show last night, but I am going to see it tomorrow with my cousin Emma and I’m pretty flipping excited about it! It’s always nice to have some time with family/friends. 🙂

There are some really exciting developments going on in my life right now that have huge potential for some pretty big changes soon. And that’s all I can/will say about it right now. I know that makes me a tease and teasing isn’t nice, but things aren’t completely figured out and finalized. I have to let people (who potentially read this blog) know, in person, first. I promise to share as soon as I can.

No, it’s not a baby. I wish.

And that’s what I’m thankful for this week.

What awesome things happened in your life this week?

 

Five Finger Fridays

Ah! It’s Friday!

I’ve have the most difficult time keeping track of what day of the week it is!

Vacations are amazing but I’m so lost on dates and days.

Seriously, I could use a vacation to recover from my vacation. No joke.

Here’s what I’m thankful for this week.

Getting to spend awesome, amazing, much needed quality time with my bff Rachel and her spectacular kids and husband. Seriously, there are no words to describe how excited I was to spend time with them! There are some times you’re going through some shiz and you need you very bestest best friend.  Are yew sloooooooow? 🙂  

While getting to spend time with Rach, I also got to meet a twitter and facebook friend, Katie, IRL. We laughed we talked, we ate. It was a fabulous way to spend a vacation!

I had a fabulous time with the girls, but B was also on vacation the same time I was. I literally got to spend my entire vacation with some of my most favorite people in the world. That’s the stuff dream vacations are made of.

This one is waaaaaay TMI!

Aunt Flo came to town for real this week. I’m glad she’s making semi-regular visits. Even if she is an evil hag.

This last one kinda sucks for me, but it’s actually a good thing…

My client died this week.

It stinks that I lost a whole bunch of hours, but my client was very old, sick and unhappy. Now she isn’t suffering anymore. And thank goodness for that, poor thing was miserable.

What are you thankful for this week?

Five Finger Friday!

I’m amazed by how quickly this week has gone! It’s Friday! Wahooooooo! And that means it’s Five Finger Friday time! Five things from the week that I’m thankful for. One for each finger on my hand.

I’m pleasantly surprised and thankful to have made it to work on time every day this week! So far at least… this is my weekend to work. I’ve managed to make it to work on time despite my differing start times and lack of functioning alarm clock. Truly a miracle. I loooooove my sleep!

I have no words to express how thankful I am that I DIDN’T forget my phone this morning. I would go so far as to say I’m addicted to my phone. It’s my lifeline to friends, family, facebook and twitter. It’s my phone, it’s my internet, my map, my email. I’m not kidding when I say addicted. Is there a 12-Step program for phone addicts?

I’m soooooo thankful my quads aren’t on fire today! I worked out Tuesday with a friend of mine who is abosolutely ripped. In my quest to kick his ass keep up I maaaaaay have rubbed it in gone a little overboard. I was s-o-r-e! I was actually able to get up, move around and go to the bathroom without wanting to cry. Thankful doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this! 🙂

I’m thankful it’s grilling season again. Cooking is not my forte, but I can grill like nobody’s business! Grilling season means less eating out (saving money!!!!), less processed foods and a growing confidence in my ability to make edible meals for my family.

And last but certainly not least!

I have some vacation this week! At the same time B has vacation time! Hellooooooo quality time with The Husband!
ANNNNNNNNNND!!!!!!!!
My bestest best friend since 7th grade, Rachel is going to be in town!
With three of the most adorable kidlets on earth!
AND Rachel and I get to meet and spend time with Katie! One of the coolest people on twitter. (Once I have wireless access I’ll link her up. Seriously, these women are awesome!)

I hope you all have an awesome, fabulous, fun, safe 4th of July weekend!
Muah!

Putting It All Out There

I’m trying to lose weight and get healthy. 

People on twitter know this, but not a whole lot of people I’ve met in real life know what I’m trying to do.

My mom and sisters know.

And that’s about it.

I’m too scared to say it out loud.

Because I’m absolutely terrified I’m going to fail.

I’m not sharing my ups and downs because I’m afraid someone is going to throw it in my face. It’s happened before. Once burned, twice shy.

I’m afraid of not living up to people’s expectations.

My own expectations most of all.

I know I’m wonderfully and fearfully made, that I’m not like anyone else, but there are moments I wish I was.

I wish I had self-control and discipline.

I wish I didn’t have the damn insulin resistance and PCOS.

And the thing that holds me back the most and pisses me off the most?

My brother is losing weight.

Rapidly

And I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with him.

I’m afraid I won’t get the positive reinforcement I SO desperately need because it is so difficult for me to lose weight.

I  know how dumb that is for me to think.

I want to bitch slap myself.

In my head I know no one is going to compare me to my brother.

But *I* am.

I know I shouldn’t.

I realize we’re two completely different people.

With different goals.

Drives.

Obstacles.

I can’t get my heart on the same level.

The distance between my head and heart can be so incredibly far sometimes.

But.

I’m not doing this for recognition.

I’m doing it to get HEALTHY.

I’m doing it for me.

For my future family with B.

So, I’m going to put it out there.

I’m actually going to talk about it with friends and family.

I’m going to put it all out on facebook for people I know in real life to see.

I will not be my own worst enemy anymore.

I will not wimp out.

I will do this in my own time.

I will be supported and loved every step of the way.

Most importantly,

I will be successful.

Losses and Gains

I CANNOT believe May is almost over and June is right around the corner. It blows my mind that 2011 is frigging half gone already! And it got me thinking about all the things that have happened so far.. all the changes to my life, my loved ones and myself. What have you lost, gained or changed so far this year?

In the past six month lots and lots and LOTS of things have changed. I’ve lost quite a bit and I’ve gained more than I ever thought possible.

I’ve gained facebook friends, twitter followers, friendship, love and support of some pretty awesome, fabulous, kick-ass, hilarious, phenomenal Mamavation ladies who shared in my blood, sweat, tears, frustrations, laughter and silliness. These ladies have helped me see hope, gain confidence in myself and my abilities and supported me in losing around 25 lbs.

I’ve gained an infertility diagnosis and a lifelong medical issue. I’ve lost a little bit of hope with each skipped period. Every stick I’ve peed on that comes up with one line takes a smidgen more of my resolve. I’ve gained love, support and understanding from the unlikeliest of people and places. I’ve lost some respect for the people I thought should and could have loved and supported me the most.

I’ve lost my family and my sense of belonging. My parents’ separation has ripped my family apart, completely changing my family unit as I knew it. I’ve lost my sense of home. The place I grew up isn’t where my family lives, it’s where PARTS of my family live, but somehow I’ve gained different and stronger relationships with each of my parents and all of my sisters regardless of how each of us feels about the separation.

I’ve gained anxiety and panic attacks, bouts of depression and an almost debilitating fear the same thing could happen to my little family. I’m fearful of what the future holds for six (7 including B) of us. Leave and cleave has never had more meaning.

I’m easily overwhelmed around my family. I can’t handle hours upon hours of family time like I used to enjoy. That pisses me off.

I’ve become protective of how the separation looks to people on the outside. And people on the inside. I didn’t say anything to anyone about it for a long time. It was a dirty little secret. I’m just starting to gain my voice. I’m mourning the loss of my family. I’m  gaining a renewed faith and strength in my marriage and the knowledge that communication is more important that ever.

I’ve lost a few friends. I now know who I can trust and confide in and who I can’t. I’ve gained a more meaningful relationship with my in-laws. I’ve gained a bond with a SIL that never would have happened without the separation.  For that, I’m thankful.

Through all the losses and gains this past half a year, one thing stands out and means the very most to me. Despite all the emotional ups and downs, crying, complaining, bitching, whining, anxiety, hysteria, hurt and neglect  I’ve gained love, care, strength, compassion, support, understanding and a stronger bond with B. And that’s one thing I never, ever want to lose.

Mamavation

Image via Wikipedia

Where will your feet take you this year? Any plans for a big hike, race, or just a lot of walking?

It almost scares me how much Mamavation is in my head… 

When I was smaller, healthier, didn’t have watermelons attached to my chest in high school I really enjoyed running. I used to run in the morning before school with one of my neighbors. It was a great way to start off the morning. I was happier, healthier, felt better about myself.

Now, I’m happy-ish, not so healthy and I don’t feel all that great about myself. I think something needs to change. Duh! I’m going to get out of my own damn way and DO something about it. Again, duh!

I’m going to get back to running. I like running.  The mental and physical health benefits of running are huge. And many, many, many, many, thanks to  Hayneedle Bookieboo for choosing my post to win a treadmill.

Enjoyment, beneficial and a treadmill. It’s the perfect storm of exercise!

BUT

I know myself. I have the willpower of a gnat. I can’t do something just to do it.  I have a hard time doing something for myself because I should. I’ve quit doing things for myself. Take a look at any picture of me from high school and then look at me now. Case and point. I need a reason for it.

Soooooooooo, I’m going to run a race. For a cause. I raise awareness for something and I get healthy. Can we say win-win?! By the time I’m done training and have run the race, I’m going to enjoy running again and running will be habit.

Now I just need to find a race to run.

Thousand and thousands of people have epilepsy, including two of my cousins and my husband. Epilepsy is a cause near and dear to my heart. I’ll find, train and run a race to benefit epilepsy.

There’s a local 5k Just For the Health of It. With a name like that, it has to be run.

Here it is in black and white or whatever color it shows up as… I’m going to return to being a runner. I’m going to get healthy and raise awareness for good causes.

And that’s where my feet are taking me this year.

No Longer a Member of Fatties Anonymous

Hi, my name is Laura. And I’m a fatty.

There is no denying that I’m round, pleasantly plump, fluffy, husky, curvy fat. I’m 5 feet 3 inches tall and over 200 pounds. You do the math. A lot of me is boobs, that I started getting in 2nd grade, but that’s still a lot of woman. Hubster loves the boobs. He doesn’t want them to go anywhere, but anything more than a handful is a waste, right? I’ve got a few handfuls.

I know I’m fat. I’ve accepted it. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE IT.

I’m over being fat. I’m done being unhappy with the reflection in the mirror. The way I look. The way my clothes fit. Shopping in the maternity section even though I’m not, nor have I ever been, pregnant. That last one is a REAL smack in the face.

I want to be able to buy cute clothes. I want to be able to do things without getting out of breath.  I want to jiggle less. I want to have more energy. Feel better physically and mentally.

 But most of all, I want to be a Mommy. I have some fertility issues (and being overweight definitely doesn’t help), but I’ll be a Mommy one way or another. I want to be the best Mommy I can be. I want to able to run, jump, play, teach my future kidlet(s) proper nutrition and model a healthy life style. I want to life a long, healthy life for myself, my husband and my family. I can’t do that right now. I want to be the best daughter, sister, friend, wife and mom I can possibly be.

SO I’M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I’ve made lifestyle changes. I’m making conscious decisions about what/how much I’m eating. I’m *trying* to slowly cut out the bad stuff. I’m working out. I’m making an effort to get off my (flat, but at the same time jiggly-yes, it does happen) ass and DO things.

I will no longer let my weight define me.

I will no longer walk into a room and desperately search for someone my size.

I will no longer try to be anything and everything for everyone else to compensate for my size and to ‘help’ people like me.

 I will not let my weight hold me back from doing things I want to do and becoming the person I am.

I’m going to do this the healthy way.

I will not revert back to the thin, but incredibly unhealthy ways of my younger days.

I will not let the scale define me.

I define me.

I know this isn’t going to be easy. Or happen overnight. But the things that are worth it rarely are.

Let’s get this journey started!

I wrote this blog post while participating in the Bookieboo and Hayneedle Treadmill blogging program, making me eligible to win a treadmill. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

Playing Mommy

This week I’ve been playing Mommy to an adorable 16mo little man.

It’s been a complete and total blast.

But, holy mother is it exhausting!

I really don’t know how parents do it.

Diaper changes in the middle of the night so Little Man isn’t covered in pee (and I don’t even want to know) in the morning. And saving yourself a load of laundry washing bedding and pj’s.

Early mornings because Little Man is ready to get up and you run on HIS schedule. Sleeping in?! What’s that?

 Making breakfast one-handed.  No judgement, Little Man. If I could get away with someone else carrying me around, I’d do it too!

With your non-dominant hand because Little Man wants to be held and Little Man isn’t quite so little when you’re not used to holding a toddler and your weakling other arm can’t cut it. Thankfully Little Man doesn’t mind the banana slices aren’t even CLOSE to the same size…they all go down/on the wall/on the floor/in the carpet/between couch cushions/in his or my hair the same.

Cleaning up breakfast while keeping and eye on Little Man. Please tell me eyes in the back of your head come with the How To Parent book the stork brings when they drop off your child!!!!!

Changing another diaper. And hoping to God Little Man doesn’t stick his hand down in Man Land…again before you have a chance to clean him up!

Getting dressed. Crotch snaps may just be the best invention ever…if the stupid things stayed snapped!

Keeping your smart phone and the tv clicker out of reach. He must be male if he has the clicker for 2 seconds and manages to find the adult channels…

Having a hard time remembering if you brushed your teeth. Which is highly unlikely.

Peeing with an audience. I thought once I moved and didn’t have to share a bathroom with 5 other people my days of peeing/showering with someone else in the bathroom were over. More lonely, but over. Yeah, not so much. Little Shit Man is juuuuuuuuuust tall enough to reach the door handle.

Cleaning up the toilet paper Little Man ran up and down the hall with. Seriously, that door was TOTALLY closed. Wasn’t it…?

Loading up and going for a walk. Because Pretend Mommy needs to get her sweat on, she’s tired of looking at the same walls and seriously plotting ways to kill that damn purple dinosaur.

Changing another diaper. And trying not to vomit all over Little Man. Seriously, what the french toast did he eat?! Never serve that again!

Make lunch. For the childless/cooking challenged, finding something nutritious to eat that Little Man would actually eat, that I can actually make and doesn’t make for another Crap-a-palooza is pretty difficult. Feeding Little Man the same thing for all meals probably isn’t much fun for Little Man.

Play with Little Man some more because that giggle and those dimples are To. Die. For. And wonder when the crap Dora the Explorer hit puberty.

Thank the Lord Little Man is as easily entertained as I am. Hey, if flicking the door stop and listening to it make noise is entertaining, I’ll take it!

Deal with the post lunch/pre nap melt down. And hope to heaven he doesn’t fight the nap too much.

Change another diaper. Plot ways to get B to change a diaper. B decided he was going to be hands off a diaper time…for this pretend parenthood AND the real thing. Right, like I’m going to let that happen…

Rock a crying, squirming, snotty, drooling Little Man before nap time. And feel my heart melt when he snuggles in.

Put half asleep Little Man in the crib for a nap. Time how long the crying goes on before Little Man realized he really IS tired and falls asleep.

Flop on the couch.  Behold the disaster area/ biohazard that is your house.

Clean up lunch, start a load of laundry, vacuum up the bits of cracker ground into the carpet. Pray the vacuum doesn’t wake Little Man and stare longingly at the bottle of wine in the fridge.

Thank my lucky stars B is home from work. Grab a shower and change out of my pajamas.  Did I seriously go walking around the neighborhood with banana in my hair and peanut butter on my forehead.

Pray Little Man is still asleep when I get dressed and (finally???) brush my teeth. Because B doesn’t ‘do’ diapers.

Change Little Man’s diaper when he wakes up. I don’t ‘do’ diapers, my ass. We’re going to have a chat about this and get things straight when (fingers crossed) I’m pregnant. This shit isn’t going to fly when it’s a full-time, for real gig. Laugh at your own unintended pun.

Let B play Daddy while I make dinner. Again, stare longingly at the bottle of wine in the fridge.

More playing. Watch my husband play with Little Man and feel my heart break a little that a child isn’t something I can give B right now.

Bath time. Wooo! Two showers for me in ONE day! But, man, that Little Man laugh is worth the sore knees and soaked clothes.

Diaper, pjams, snack, rock-a-bye, bed. Read- hands in Man Land- at least he pooped in the tub and Man Land in clean. Almost a second bathtime. Lots of crying, squirming and gnashing of teeth until he falls asleep while rocking and looks just like a heaven-sent angel…until midnight when it’s time to change his diaper, again.

Fall in bed, exhausted and fall asleep. Forget “adult time”, that’s how Little Men happen! And that WOULD be the first time Little Man breaks out of bed and gets an eye full…

Repeat.

For all the sarcastic, snarky, alternative/in my head cursing it was totally worth every second of it. I seriously don’t know how you parents do it day in and day out. But I can’t wait to figure it out myself.

Wordless Wednesday