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525,600 Minutes

27 Nov

Five hundred-twenty five thousand-six hundred minutes ago was the start of one of the worst weeks of my life and by far the hardest year in my life. The week my whole world fell apart and my life as I knew it would never, ever be the same.

Don’t get me wrong- there have been plenty of good moments this past year too.

A roof over my head.

Plenty of food to eat.

A family and a husband that love me.

Going back to school.

A new job with hours that let me spend more time with B.

Celebrating two years of mostly  wedded bliss.

And lots of adventures with both sides of the family.

But this week it’s hard not to focus on the shit storm that came one year ago.

My parents separation and the affects (effects? I cant never remember… My English teach would be so disappointed. Sorry, Mr. VanHouten.) it had/has in my relationships with both of my parents.

And my relationships with my three younger sisters.

And their relationships with our parents and each other. It’s so hard to watch people you love going through and doing things that hurt them and some of the other people you love.

And my relationship with B.

God bless this man. I’ve definitely had my moments and he’s held me when I was a sobbing mess. Calmed me down when I’m in the middle of a panic attack and can’t see the end in sight. He’s reassured me that we aren’t my parents and don’t have an expiration date to our marriage. He’s convinced me I don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time. He’s taken my mind off the separation when everything is just too much.

I know it seems trivial, my 25th birthday. 25 was a hard age for me to turn. Being closer to 30 than 20 was a real difficult pill to swallow. And now my 26th birthday is very, VERY rapidly approaching. Four more shopping days, but who’s counting. 🙂 I’ve always felt like I’m the last to be picked for big life milestones. I got married after most of my peers. 25 just felt like 30 was moments away. I don’t know why it was such a big deal, but it just was.

My infertility diagnosis.





Not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Feeling completely hopeless and clueless.

Feeling like I’m not in control of my body or my future.

Infertility just sucks. There’s really no other way to put it.

This year has definitely been a beach. Plain and simple. There have been highs and gut-wrenching lows. But I’m never going to have to do it again. Thank God.

My parents won’t ever split up again.

I won’t hear I probably won’t have children without serious and expensive medical interventions and even then who knows.

And I’ll never turn 25 again.

But I will eventually turn 30. Then I’ll re-evaluate for hardest year of my life.



Someone’s having a #giveaway!

5 Oct

Who doesn’t love winning stuff?!

My very, very bestest best friend, Rachel, is hosting a giveaway! She’s in the running to become a Mamavation Mom! All she’s asking for is your vote  for Rachel and Adam to win!

Easy peasy!

Rachel is giving away a $25 Amazon giftcard and an EA Active Sports 2 for Wii!

Entering is easy! As taken from Rachel’s blog

  • One entry for every vote ~ You can only vote once from a computer, phone, etc. but you can vote as many times as you want from different devices, wifi networks, etc. Let me know you voted & how you voted (what device). Each vote will be counted as an entry.
  • One entry for every tweet you send out supporting Adam (@ahabs55) & I (@rachhabs) tweet out the following message: ”Please vote & help @rachhabs & @ahabs55 to become the next #mamavation couple!” (25 tweets maximum a day)
  • One entry for every tweet of the following message: “I entered a giveaway from @rachhabs & @ahabs55 for an @easportsactive & #AmazonGiftCard! Find out the details here” (maximum of 25 tweets daily)
  • Share this link (from Rachel\’s blog) on facebook & get additional entries!
Go forth, vote and win!
***Disclosure, I *was not* asked to write this post. Nor am I receiving anything for writing it. This post was written in support of my bestie and her husband and in support of Rachel and Adam making changes to their lives to get healthy, teach and show their three kids a healthier lifestyle.***

Mean People Suck.

15 Sep

I am beyond outraged.

In January I wrote a post about a little girl who is very precious to me.

This amazing young lady and her brother and sister were micro preemie triplets.

Thanks to amazing medical advancements the trips are happy, healthy 10 year olds. Holy crap I feel old. I’m now that person I promised myself I’d NEVER be. That You’re How Old?! I Remember When You Were Born person. 

A precious miracle that has had endure a lot in her life.

Being born super early and some of the medical issues that come with it.

Now add cyber bullying.

Below is a video Emma’s mom, Melissa, posted on youtube to share some of Emma’s story and showing kids and grownups alike how hurtful comments can be because someone sounds a little different. Melissa and Mike (Melissa’s husband and the trips poppa) are getting awful, hurtful, ignorant, hateful comments on the video.

A video of a 10 year old girl just asking for some acceptance. Something we all need and look for.

Please watch the video and leave a positive comment in support of this awesome family.



Five Finger Fridays

8 Jul

Ah! It’s Friday!

I’ve have the most difficult time keeping track of what day of the week it is!

Vacations are amazing but I’m so lost on dates and days.

Seriously, I could use a vacation to recover from my vacation. No joke.

Here’s what I’m thankful for this week.

Getting to spend awesome, amazing, much needed quality time with my bff Rachel and her spectacular kids and husband. Seriously, there are no words to describe how excited I was to spend time with them! There are some times you’re going through some shiz and you need you very bestest best friend.  Are yew sloooooooow? 🙂  

While getting to spend time with Rach, I also got to meet a twitter and facebook friend, Katie, IRL. We laughed we talked, we ate. It was a fabulous way to spend a vacation!

I had a fabulous time with the girls, but B was also on vacation the same time I was. I literally got to spend my entire vacation with some of my most favorite people in the world. That’s the stuff dream vacations are made of.

This one is waaaaaay TMI!

Aunt Flo came to town for real this week. I’m glad she’s making semi-regular visits. Even if she is an evil hag.

This last one kinda sucks for me, but it’s actually a good thing…

My client died this week.

It stinks that I lost a whole bunch of hours, but my client was very old, sick and unhappy. Now she isn’t suffering anymore. And thank goodness for that, poor thing was miserable.

What are you thankful for this week?

I got a pickle. I got a pickle! I got a pickle hey, hey, hey, hey!

6 Jul



I’m in a pickle.

And a little frustrated with myself.

I had the pleasure of spending the past few days with three of the most adorable kids evah! Oh yeah, and their mom and dad. 🙂

Cute kiddos need to have their cuteness documented for Uncle Brian and Auntie Lo. That means pictures!


This is where the pickle comes in.

I know feel all some of these pictures are uh, less than flattering


Despite losing 30 pounds.

And here’s my pickle.
I know I need to be healthier. Not skinny, but losing (mor

e) weight is part of getting healthy. Dirty words…

I have been working so fricken hard but *I* can’t see the results of my hard work.

I know my body is changing, but all I see when I look in the mirror or at pictures is the arm flab, thunder thighs, chipmunk cheeks and flab-tastic belly.

And I want to give up.

I feel like I’m failing in getting healthy.
If I’m failing despite all the work, what’s the point?

Seriously. Someone, please, tell me what the point is because I can’t see it.


#Mamavation Monday

4 Jul

Holy french toast.

I had one of the best weekends I’ve had in a LONG time this weekend.

It was my pleasure to spend 24+ hours with the awesome and amazing Katie and the fabulous Rachel.

Seriously, it was amazeballs.

We all happened to be in the same area at the same time and decided to meet for our own little ‘conference’- Kzoocation ’11

We had no swag. Other than our slurpee cups.

 No serious food plans. We did make pretty decent food choices, but we also decided calories didn’t count this weekend. 

No plans to exercise. We did laugh  A LOT! Grunt Style workouts have NOTHING on the ab workouts we got laughing. Seriously. I almost wet my pants more than once. 

We had an awesome time. I seriously recommend spending time with these phenomenal women if you ever have the chance. They are two awesome women!


How did well did you manage to eat healthy over the holiday weekend (4th of July and Canada Day)? Any tips for the rest of the summer?

I didn’t.

I enjoyed myself.

I had bits and pieces of all the things I really wanted to eat.

I knew if I didn’t have little tastes of things, I’d eat the healthy things and then binge.

Yep, it’s what works for me.

And like Angela says… if it’s less than two bites, it doesn’t count.


Hey! Have you voted for Mamavation Mom yet? You should, I have! 




This post is sponsored by Eco Foil Pans and I’m writing this to be entered into a Eco Foil Prize Pack giveaway hosted by Mamavation


Five Finger Friday!

1 Jul

I’m amazed by how quickly this week has gone! It’s Friday! Wahooooooo! And that means it’s Five Finger Friday time! Five things from the week that I’m thankful for. One for each finger on my hand.

I’m pleasantly surprised and thankful to have made it to work on time every day this week! So far at least… this is my weekend to work. I’ve managed to make it to work on time despite my differing start times and lack of functioning alarm clock. Truly a miracle. I loooooove my sleep!

I have no words to express how thankful I am that I DIDN’T forget my phone this morning. I would go so far as to say I’m addicted to my phone. It’s my lifeline to friends, family, facebook and twitter. It’s my phone, it’s my internet, my map, my email. I’m not kidding when I say addicted. Is there a 12-Step program for phone addicts?

I’m soooooo thankful my quads aren’t on fire today! I worked out Tuesday with a friend of mine who is abosolutely ripped. In my quest to kick his ass keep up I maaaaaay have rubbed it in gone a little overboard. I was s-o-r-e! I was actually able to get up, move around and go to the bathroom without wanting to cry. Thankful doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this! 🙂

I’m thankful it’s grilling season again. Cooking is not my forte, but I can grill like nobody’s business! Grilling season means less eating out (saving money!!!!), less processed foods and a growing confidence in my ability to make edible meals for my family.

And last but certainly not least!

I have some vacation this week! At the same time B has vacation time! Hellooooooo quality time with The Husband!
My bestest best friend since 7th grade, Rachel is going to be in town!
With three of the most adorable kidlets on earth!
AND Rachel and I get to meet and spend time with Katie! One of the coolest people on twitter. (Once I have wireless access I’ll link her up. Seriously, these women are awesome!)

I hope you all have an awesome, fabulous, fun, safe 4th of July weekend!

Five Finger Fridays

24 Jun

It’s Friday! Woohoo!
That means it’s time to focus on the good in my life. It’s so easy for me to get so wrapped up in all the drama and crap in my life that I forget to see the good things.

We FINALLY got some rain here in the mitten! My flowers and grass are loving the rain. And I’m loving the cooler temperatures.

I’m incredibly thankful my hand isn’t broken. It got slammed in a door, swelled up in a matter of moments and there was something sticking out of it. Yeah, it was gross.

I’m supremely thankful for the support system my mom and sisters have. I love and appreciate the positive influence and male role models who have become a vital part of our lives and filled a void. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I’m über thankful for my sister Abigail and her 19 years in my life. Happy birthday, Abbey. I looooove you!

This one is bittersweet. I’m glad no one can see me while I type this.
I’m thankful for the 23 years I was blessed with having Gram in my life. I’m thankful your pain and suffering are over. I’m thankful you’re able to be with Grandpa after 20+ years apart. I like to think you have an oven that’s always preheated to the perfect temperature, a piano that’s always perfectly in tune and an endless supply of pink peppies.
Two years ago today you went to Paradise. I miss you everyday. I’m thankful that you were such a huge influence in my life. I love you Gram!


And that’s what I’m thankful for this week.

What are you thankful for this week?


27 Mar

Fun runners taking part in the 2006 Bristol Ha...

Image via Wikipedia

Where will your feet take you this year? Any plans for a big hike, race, or just a lot of walking?

It almost scares me how much Mamavation is in my head… 

When I was smaller, healthier, didn’t have watermelons attached to my chest in high school I really enjoyed running. I used to run in the morning before school with one of my neighbors. It was a great way to start off the morning. I was happier, healthier, felt better about myself.

Now, I’m happy-ish, not so healthy and I don’t feel all that great about myself. I think something needs to change. Duh! I’m going to get out of my own damn way and DO something about it. Again, duh!

I’m going to get back to running. I like running.  The mental and physical health benefits of running are huge. And many, many, many, many, thanks to  Hayneedle Bookieboo for choosing my post to win a treadmill.

Enjoyment, beneficial and a treadmill. It’s the perfect storm of exercise!


I know myself. I have the willpower of a gnat. I can’t do something just to do it.  I have a hard time doing something for myself because I should. I’ve quit doing things for myself. Take a look at any picture of me from high school and then look at me now. Case and point. I need a reason for it.

Soooooooooo, I’m going to run a race. For a cause. I raise awareness for something and I get healthy. Can we say win-win?! By the time I’m done training and have run the race, I’m going to enjoy running again and running will be habit.

Now I just need to find a race to run.

Thousand and thousands of people have epilepsy, including two of my cousins and my husband. Epilepsy is a cause near and dear to my heart. I’ll find, train and run a race to benefit epilepsy.

There’s a local 5k Just For the Health of It. With a name like that, it has to be run.

Here it is in black and white or whatever color it shows up as… I’m going to return to being a runner. I’m going to get healthy and raise awareness for good causes.

And that’s where my feet are taking me this year.

Wordless Wednesday

26 Jan