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Five Finger Fridays

26 Aug

Five Finger Fridays are back! 

I really needed the FFF today. I’m feeling pretty blue today. Okay, this week. I’ve been seriously lacking in ambition, gumption, get up and go-ness.

I’m not exactly feeling like a productive member or society (or my family) without a job…unless you count making Laura shaped ass prints on various piece of furniture and watching my house progressively get more and more messy.

I was excited to get back on the workout horse. I’d been making leaps and strides (haha) in my pace and distances running. I was going to OWN it when I got back on the treadmill. I was all about getting back to running.

And Monday I did. It’d been a few weeks since and my run sucked. So I gave up.

I let myself have a pity party and now it’s over.

Maybe not totally over, but I’m gonna fake it until I make it. 

Starting with FFF. Because no matter how much I feel like things suck right now, there is always something to be thankful for.

 

My oldest younger sister got her first teaching gig. All the way in North Carolina. Which is a looooooooong way from where we are, but she made the 700 mile trek all by herself. Safely. Thankfully her car decided running was optional after she got there safely.

I know it’s a bit late, but I’m finally done with that horrible class. And I am completely OVERJOYED.

My youngest sister turns 16 this weekend. Gulp!  I can’t believe she’s growing up so quickly…sure makes me feel more than a little old!

My middle younger sister moved into her new dorms. She’s going through a huge transition, but she seems to be liking it so far! I wouldn’t know she moved before I even knew she was leaving. Oh, to be young and free…

Wednesday our cousin and Brian’s best man became a Daddy. Dave and Shelley have waited a long time for their precious miracle. Shelley had a less than easy pregnancy, but Tessa is here and healthy. Mommy and Daddy are overjoyed.

 

What awesome things happened to you this week?

 

 

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Mamavation Monday: Week 2, part deux

24 Jan

I had my Mamavation post all written and set for automatic post a few days ago. I linked it up not really paying attention to what it said. I just read it.

Wow, I was having a bit of a moment.

I still feel discouraged, but I’m giving myself a kick in the (flat and flabby, yes it does happen, but getting toned.) butt.  

I may have only lost 2 lbs in the entire time I’ve been working on losing weight  past two-ish weeks, but I haven’t GAINED any either.

The scale number may not be moving (It’s broken, I swear!) but my clothes are fitting better and differently.

I’ve made positive changes toward a healthier me.

– I’ve started drinking tons more water.

– I’ve cut down on the crap-tastic snacking.

-I’ve realized when I’m emotionally eating my feelings instead of dealing with them.

-I’ve made a serious effort to work out. Even when it’s the last thing I want to do.

My goal this week is to keep being positive. To keep making healthy decisions. In order to do that, there are a few things I have to get off my (well endowed and THE last place I lose poundage), chest. (Doggone genetics!)

 Screw you, Mr. Scale! I don’t really care what you have to say. I’m an independent woman and obsessively listening to what you have to say isn’t doing me any favors. So, we’re only going to talk once a week. If you’re going to talk smack, I’m going to stop listening.

And as for you Miss Emotional Eating! We’re going to be fighting A LOT this week. Hubster’s pre-op appointment and testing are tomorrow and surgery is happening Friday.  This is our first surgery. We’re nervous and we’re scared. And we’ll be spending time with the MIL while nervous and scared. (Wow, talk about a triple threat!) But we will make it through the surgery. No amount of chocolate, or vending machine snacking is going to make it any easier or go any faster. We’ll take baby steps…HEALTHY snacks and gum. Well the gum is for Mr. I’m-Stressing-And-A-Cigarette-Sounds-Amazing because he’ll be calling, but I’m just going to ignore his call.

I CAN do this. I WILL do this. I AM going to make this happen. Surgery, MILs, pity parties, sneak snack attacks, emotional eating and stubborn scales be damned!

Mamavation Monday

24 Jan

I’m getting discouraged. Seriously discouraged.

PCOS with insulin resistance aren’t making this any easier. Granted, I was diagnosed not all that long ago, but I thought that after two months I would be seeing SOME changes.

I seem to have hit a plateau with my weight loss. After a whopping 2 lbs. TOTAL

I not convinced that the meds I’m on are working.

– I have yet to have a period since starting the medication.

-I’m still having lots of issues with side effects. Let’s just say it’s not pretty.

-Weight loss is still incredibly hard, despite changes in diet and exercising.

Sigh, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I really didn’t think it would be this freaking hard.

I DO have an appointment with the doctor  in early February. If there aren’t some improvements by then, I think it’s time to have a Come to Jesus talk about what my options are.

I keep hoping that something will change. That somehow all the pieces will magically come together and I’ll figure out what the picture is supposed to look like.

If we have kids.

If diet and exercise are going to eventually pay off.

If my parents are still together, or if we’re all existing in Limbo.

I really wish God had a facebook, email, phone number, twitter, texting… SOMETHING!

I’m having a serious pity party.

16 Jan

Another month with no period. Usually this would be a good thing when thinking/not trying NOT to get pregnant, but not in my case.

I haven’t had a period since I don’t know when. I usually wouldn’t complain about the lack of bleeding, cramping, bloating, back aches and over all bitchiness, but I’d like a period dang it!

Since I’ve met him, all Brian has wanted is to have a child of his own my the time he’s 30. He turned 29 Christmas Day. My time to give him his dream is rapidly coming more near.

 BUT he married me. The chances of me being able to give Brian a baby are slim to freaking none. Happy freaking birthday! Your (currently, fingers crossed!) infertile wife can’t make it happen.

I’ve recently-ish been diagnosed with hyperinsulinemia with probable PCOS. AKA- Almost no possibility of kids. I’m on a whole host of different meds to try to combat the hyperinsulinemia and PCOS to try to make that a remote possibility but it’s not working. I’m not having periods.

A period would mean that I’m ovulating and  getting pregnant was a remote possibility.

Nope, sorry!

Not only are the meds not working, but they’re making me sicker than a dog. I’m not about to go into detail, but it is NOT pretty. Even if the meds don’t work and bring my period back, I need to be on them anyway.  A new liver and diagnosis of diabetes really aren’t on my birthday list when I’m 35 thank you very much.

All I’ve ever wanted my entire life is to be a mom. To be pregnant. To feel that little person growing inside of me. Morning sickness and labor pains be damned. It would be beyond worth it.

But no such luck.

I may have to pee on a stick in the morning juuuuuuuuuuust to be sure.

I’m not sure if I can take the heartache if I’m not pregnant, again.

But just in case I’m fully stocked.

Fingers crossed!