**Warning- This is a word vomit post. It may or may not make sense.**
While my extreme feelings of envy aren’t nearly as strong as they have been, I have some serious double standards when it comes to people having babies.
Now if I could just make the same leaps and bounds with sloth and gluttony I’d be golden. Wait, is that considered pride? Craaaaaaaaaap…
While every baby is a precious miracle and gift I have zero resentment towards people who have to jump through countless infertility hoops to actually have a baby.
I can’t say the same thing for people without difficulties getting and staying pregnant. Jeez, how awful is that.
Granted, I don’t give them the evil eye
anymore and it doesn’t sting as much, but it still kinda sucks. I still resent their functioning systems.
As much as I try to find that place of peace and understanding as to why my body doesn’t seem to want to work properly or cooperate with the measures I’m taking to help it along, it
always seems juuuuuust out of reach.
While I wish, hope, pray that my body would suddenly decide to work, I know it’s probably not going to happen right now. Slowly but surely I’m becoming okay-ish with that.
Now I just need to work on this double standard thing. Why must life be so damn complicated?