#mamavation Monday

9 May

Well, it’s been a while. Between our computer (still) having a virus and my ‘smart’ phone giving less than stellar performances, posting hasn’t really been an option.
Easter, changing clients, different work hours, family drama, Dramas? It seems like it never stops recently. Sigh… married life and wanting to take a vacation from life, blogging has been sorely needed and I’ve missed it. A lot.

Life has been getting the better of me recently. I’m feeling quite…overwhelmed. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m paralyzed by anxiety and fear. I feel like life has shit on me constantly for the past 6 months. I’m on guard all the time, waiting for the next emotional shit storm to hit.
Life is one of those ready or not kind of things that (unfortunately) has no pause button or fast forward... So, I plaster a smile on my face, try and laugh at all the right places and go through the motions. Hoping it looks like I’ve at least sort of got it together.
I’m going through the motions, but the motion(s) missing is exercise. I’m struggling to do the life essentials. Remembering to eat or stop eating… is a bit of a struggle. I’m slowly losing weight, but I’m afraid it might be muscle instead of fat. Even if it is fat, I’m not losing it in a healthy way. That’s not okay with me.
I need to find that gumption, however deep inside myself, and DO something. I think doing some kind of exercise is going to be theraputic. Physically and emotionally.
I need SOMETHING to get me out of my head. Whatever bit of my mind I still have up there is a messed up place.

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