Oh. My. Life.

14 Apr

Peers become important in middle childhood and...

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Holy Moses. It has been a weeeeeeeek. My as needed Xanax is slowly disappearing and those wisps of hair growing in my bald patch(es) are no more. Seriously, losing hair as a 25-year-old female causes lots and lots of stress. As if I needed anymore.

A week that’s made me more than a little nostalgic for my younger days. Someone else paid the bills. Did the laundry. Made dinner. Drove me to and fro.

Damn the adult responsibilities. There are some serious perks to adulthood…no bed time, unlimited tv, booze and sex. You know, the GOOD ones.

It’s the ultimate paradox. When you’re a kid you can’t wait to grow up. When you’re a grown up or of grown up age at least… you’d do just about anything to give up the mortgage, phone bills, grocery shopping, car insurance, etc for a few nights of tag and catching fireflies in jars for ‘pets’.

This week, adulthood has kicked.my.ass.

Between my car needing $3,000 of repairs the ballpark figure I paid for it 5 years ago…  looking for a new car, getting the financials figured out for a new car, buying a new car, getting the old car and new car back home, transferring plates oh wait, my car was registered to my parents, not me, having my parents sign off on the title oops, I wasn’t on that either… trying to sell the old car, towing and scrapping the old car because it died THREE MILES DOWN THE HIGHWAY (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and some revelations and insight into my parents’ relationship, working, sleeping and being a responsible adult I have had enough. I need an adult beverage, a 12 hour sleep coma and a massage in no particular order.

Huge, massive, extreme THANK YOUS to B’s parents for letting us borrow one of their cars while mine was in the shop and we were looking for a new one. Having two cars took A LOT of stress off my shoulders. Mad props to the FIL for shopping around for a reliable car and a great price! If the sales man wouldn’t put his daughter in the car, Pop C wouldn’t either. Awwww. 🙂  And for being our road side assistance and pushing the car and B off the highway.  Three miles down the road, that p.i.t.a. died. No steering, no brakes. Nothing. THREE MILES! Thankfully it was three miles from M/FIL and not three miles from our house. We would have been royally screwed if it wasn’t for them!

Thankfully all current and old car issues have been taken care of or can easily be fixed, but dang if that wasn’t a stressful few days.

I don’t think the same can be said of my parents’ marriage. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I was hanging out at my parents’  house with my mom when my dad dropped my sister off and came inside to get a few things. It was the first time I’d seen the two of them together at the same time since they separated let alone in the house I grew up in. It was so strange, weird, uncomfortable. The indifference I felt between my parents shocks and amazes me. Not in a good way. That totally surprised me to the point that I immediately had to leave. I could not be there. I felt uncomfortable around my family. I’m sure B was shocked to find his wife in a ball sobbing, hyperventilating and  hysterical when he got home from work. Poor guy.

My parents have had issues and problems for a few years. For me, it was never an issue of IF something was going to happen but WHEN. My parents separated the weekend after Thanksgiving. The same week I turned 25 and was diagnosed with fertility issues. it was one hell of a week, that’s for sure… Mom and Dad lived under the same roof, slept in the same bed, but it was like they were just coexisting under the same roof. I didn’t know it could deteriorate any more than that, but it has.

I don’t see my parents ever repairing their marriage or living under the same roof again. I want both of my parents to be happy. If they’re happier not being together (which they both seem to be at the moment) I don’t see an other outcome. It truly isn’t going to get any better.

 I’m a little pissed about it, but for selfish reasons.

Now I have to choose decide where to go for holidays, birthdays, graduations. Figuring out holidays between B’s family and mine was hard enough, but now I have one more person to disappoint, reject, let down consider.

I feel like I’m at war and an emotional nuclear bomb dropped right on top of my family. Who do I run to… who do I help first? Dad? Mom? My sisters? My husband? Myself?

Those days of tag and pet fireflies sound really good right now. But I wouldn’t say no to an adult beverage and a nap either.


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