It Means

13 Mar

 I failed (passed?) the test again.

I was kinda hoping the awesome time I’m having playing Mommy would mean something different.  Trying not to pee myself while getting the all important Thing I Stick In Pee out of the stupid wrapper would be a lot different if there wasn’t such a let down. 

 The at home pregnancy test companies NEED to come up with a different way to test. If paternity/DNA can be determined with a Q-tip rubbed around in your cheek, why am I PEEING on something?!? And if I have to pee on something, let’s make it a little more sanitary, please. Or at least make that damn foil thing the test comes in easier to open. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Farting around with that thing is just sheer torture.

 The test does mean something, but not what I was thinking it might.

It means my period is 8+ days late just because.

It means I had some kind of stomach bug and the nausea wasn’t I thought it was.

It means I really haven’t kicked my caffeine habit and those headaches were just a reminder.

It means the Red Coats are coming.

Armed with super tampons.

Overnight protection with wings.

Crankiness.

Bloating.

Fatigue.

And the cramps that make me double over in pain.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

It means I was kidding myself.

It means one less month to give B the child of his own he’s always wanted by 30.

It means I’ve failed to do the one thing women were specifically designed to do.

Again.

It means I’ve taken a hit.

It means I’ve lost a little more hope.

 

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5 Responses to “It Means”

  1. Nicole March 13, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    Girl, you’re an amazing writer. You made me laugh yet want to cry at the same time while reading your post. What you’re going through is a difficult subject, but you did it with the perfect amount of honesty and humor. I’m hoping that you pass (fail?) that test soon!

  2. Amanda March 14, 2011 at 1:12 am #

    Stop right there. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED AT ANYTHING! So shush that kind of talk right this instant.
    You are an amazing person, and you will make an insanely awesome mommy.
    I know the negatives are hard to run into. I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling, but you are not failing at anything.
    Never.

    Chin up. Smile. And keep trying 🙂

  3. S.I.F. March 16, 2011 at 2:09 am #

    I’m so sorry lady! It’s just cruel that you would be late with no baby. 😦 Stupid test.

  4. onesunnyside March 27, 2011 at 12:50 am #

    So I was creeping around and came upon this post… please don’t lose hope! I know it must be extremely difficult to go through that every month, and I know it must be frustrating to hear this all the time, but your baby will come when he/she is ready! 🙂

    • smallworldbiggirl March 28, 2011 at 11:30 am #

      You’re right, but patience is NOT one of my strengths. 🙂

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