I’m having a serious pity party.

16 Jan

Another month with no period. Usually this would be a good thing when thinking/not trying NOT to get pregnant, but not in my case.

I haven’t had a period since I don’t know when. I usually wouldn’t complain about the lack of bleeding, cramping, bloating, back aches and over all bitchiness, but I’d like a period dang it!

Since I’ve met him, all Brian has wanted is to have a child of his own my the time he’s 30. He turned 29 Christmas Day. My time to give him his dream is rapidly coming more near.

 BUT he married me. The chances of me being able to give Brian a baby are slim to freaking none. Happy freaking birthday! Your (currently, fingers crossed!) infertile wife can’t make it happen.

I’ve recently-ish been diagnosed with hyperinsulinemia with probable PCOS. AKA- Almost no possibility of kids. I’m on a whole host of different meds to try to combat the hyperinsulinemia and PCOS to try to make that a remote possibility but it’s not working. I’m not having periods.

A period would mean that I’m ovulating and  getting pregnant was a remote possibility.

Nope, sorry!

Not only are the meds not working, but they’re making me sicker than a dog. I’m not about to go into detail, but it is NOT pretty. Even if the meds don’t work and bring my period back, I need to be on them anyway.  A new liver and diagnosis of diabetes really aren’t on my birthday list when I’m 35 thank you very much.

All I’ve ever wanted my entire life is to be a mom. To be pregnant. To feel that little person growing inside of me. Morning sickness and labor pains be damned. It would be beyond worth it.

But no such luck.

I may have to pee on a stick in the morning juuuuuuuuuuust to be sure.

I’m not sure if I can take the heartache if I’m not pregnant, again.

But just in case I’m fully stocked.

Fingers crossed!


One Response to “I’m having a serious pity party.”

  1. No Strings Attached February 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    Thanks for this post, it is great

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